you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
