There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
