Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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