Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
