Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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