dude i'm inner monologue high
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
