We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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