My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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