Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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