I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
