After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
