I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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