she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
