Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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