Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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