I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
