I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize