But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
