hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
