There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
