i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
