i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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