Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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