A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really busy with my period
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