Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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