i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
