I'm going to jail i love you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
