Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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