Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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