hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
