I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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