And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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