I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I didn't notice because vodka
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
