You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
