My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize