So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
