I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
