All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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