I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
did you just send me my own nude
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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