google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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