considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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