I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
