dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
