i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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