you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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