Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have feelings that need drinking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
