I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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