pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
