TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize