you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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