The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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