the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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