I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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