The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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