I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
