I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
