my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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