Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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