do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
