you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
