Sponge bath it is.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
