Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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