Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize