So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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