We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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