I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
