you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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