If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
