Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
