I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
