No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
